Tuesday This or That, for 4/20 and 4/29.
April 22nd's This or That
1. Yummier: Chocolate ice cream or strawberry cheesecake? Chocolate ice cream.
2. Better to watch on TV: Movies or sports? That's a toss-up. If it's football, basketball, or hockey, then sports.
3. A better web browser: MSIE or Netscape (or tell us your own favorite!) Ugh. Neither, but I use MSIE, because Netscape annoys me too much these days.
4. A better way to travel: Automobile or bus/train? Automobile, definitely. I have this big love affair with my car. Don't ask. :)
5. Your preferred camera: Digital or film? Digital. I love that I can take a picture and show it to someone within ten minutes.
6. A Cooler Vehicle: Motorcycle or sports car? Sports car!
7. More fun: Video games or board games? Video games, but only because I'm currently up to my ears in Kingdom Hearts. :)
8. Sexier: A perfect body or an intelligent mind? An intelligent mind, definitely. A perfect body's nice and all, but I'd hope for conversation more scintillating than 'HULK SMASH!'
9. A stinkier smell: Skunk or gasoline (petrol)? Ew, skunk.
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: What is more important to you: making a ton of money and being at the top of your field, or finding your soulmate and living a comfortable but not wealthy life? Money's nice, but you can't curl up with it at night, it can't hold you in its arms while you cry and tell you that everything's going to be okay, it can't be tolerant when you're snarky, and love you in spite of your faults.
April 29th's This or That
1. Lying down on the couch, or stretching out on a recliner? Lying down on a couch. Unless it's the puke green leather recliner that my mom's boyfriend has, because it's incredibly comfortable.
2. Going barefoot or wearing soft slippers? Barefoot, definitely. My feet get icky.
3. Eating ice cream, or pizza? Ice cream. Preferably chocolate, thank you.
4. Watching on TV...a classic movie or a reality show? Classic movie. Unless it's MTV's Fear.
5. Wearing: blue jeans or sweat pants? Sweat pants.
6. A long, soothing bubble bath or a quick, invigorating shower? Hrrrmm. That's a difficult one, actually, but I guess I'd have to say shower.
7. Furniture: leather, or something more on the fuzzy side? Something more on the fuzzy side. I spent too much time in hot climates to be comfortable on leather, knowing I'm going to tear off at least one layer of skin when I stand up.
8. Soft, classical music, or upbeat rock & roll? Upbeat rock and roll, most of the time. Soft, classical stuff when I need to sleep.
9. Darkness or light? Darkness. The better to see the stars.
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: You get married, or otherwise begin cohabitating with a significant other. S/he moves into your place, but brings with them the UGLIEST chair you have ever seen! You really don't want this thing in your home, but SO says it is the most comfy chair s/he has ever sat in, and no way will they part with it. Do you: grin and bear it, or scheme to get rid of the montrosity somehow? Heh! Grin and bear it. Who knows, maybe it IS the most comfy chair in the world. Besides, isn't compromise what a relationship is all about?
Okay, two things.
1. What the HELL is up with the weather out here? I mean, has it always been like this, because I sure as hell don't remember it this way. It's almost May for chrissake, shouldn't it be warmer than 43 freaking degrees outside when I walk out to my car? Yeah, trust me, I know how cold it gets in other parts of the country and that 43 degrees seems like a heat wave. Out here, though, it's not. And it's not only the temperature, either, it's the fact that it has rained almost every day for the past week. *That* is weird.
I shouldn't complain, because the cool weather means our apartment doesn't get so gawd-awful hot in the afternoons. Still...
2. I just bought plane tickets for us to go back to Boston after our wedding, and paid almost $800 for tickets four months in advance. What the hell is up with that? I thought the airlines were hurting for passengers. I can see why, since they persist in charging outrageous fees--and let's not even talk about the bullshit 'September 11th Security Fee,' which I've ranted about before.
So much for a trip to Raleigh in June, unless it's *late* June, and Southwest still has cheap fares, by some miracle.
Have you ever noticed that there are just a few things that are remarkably conducive to allowing someone to just think stuff out? Or to allow the mind to wander til you're not really thinking about anything in particular, but yet there are some great ideas born of that not-quite-active thought? There are actually a lot of activities like that for me--mindless data entry's definitely one of them, but since I've got a job that's quite a bit more intensive these days, I haven't been able to do that for awhile.
Driving does it, too, though to a lesser extent...if I'm ever off on a long drive with nowhere to go, it's probably because I've got stuff I need to think about and work out, for whatever reason. And yeah, I do actually talk to myself a lot when that happens. But *that* is the subject for another entry.
There are household-type chores that get me, too--when I lived at home, we had a yard, and mowing the lawn was always great for that. Recently, housecleaning has started to do it, which is a little weird for me...
I swear, it has to be my mother's influence...I hate to clean! I used to, anyway, and I doubt I've changed all -that- much over the years. Still, something about it...
Today, for example. Now that technocowboy has moved out to live with lonespiritwolf2 (and by the way, I'm really happy for them both!), when I got home this afternoon, I just got this urge, the kind that's just utterly impossible to ignore...I just HAD to clean. That's definitely a Mom thing, she was the one who talked about toilets, and how she couldn't ever move into a place without cleaning the bathroom, no matter how clean it was when she got there. Ugh. Bathroom. That's the worst one of them all, too, but it was there, and I couldn't ignore it, and...there you have it.
Naturally, most of my mind-wandering is stuff that I don't remember, though I have to admit that it's sort of disappointing, because I think I had some good potential essays in there somewhere. I do remember thinking about my grandparents, though, and how upset I was to lose that bit of writing I'd saved just before my old hard drive went tits up...and I really am upset about it. In spite of what my mom said, that's not something I'm ever going to be able to duplicate. There's no way I'll be able to sit down and write those words and feel those feelings all over again, and it's how I feel when I'm writing something that really defines how the piece will turn out. It's my own fault, knowing how important it was going to be to me, I should've thought to make a backup, but...
I also thought some about my father, who I've basically ignored since he called to tell me about my grandpa. I do intend to go out to Raleigh at some point, hopefully within the next month or two, but I *don't* intend to tell him I'm there. I keep trying to think about what I'd do if I happen to run into him, since I'm going to pay my respects, but then I remind myself to try not to worry about it. If it happens, it happens.
Wedding plans are also moving right along. I finally got a block of hotel rooms booked, whick takes another load off my mind. I still have a whole lot of stuff to do, more than I really want to think about, but I seem to be doing pretty well so far...I just wish theknot.com wouldn't very cheerfully remind me of how many days are left. 130 days *seems* like a long time, but in the scheme of things? Not. Not even. Next up for the wedding, tickets to Boston, for the east coast reception.
There were other things that came to mind, of course--MUSH, what to do with the extra room that we've got, next year's hockey season, this year's NBA and NHL playoffs...when my mind goes into full overdrive mode, it really does know how to work. :)
Time for me to close up here, too, I think, since I've managed to say essentially nothing throughout this whole post. Score one for inane babble!
An eventful morning so far--I'd forgotten about the irritation I discussed with a co-worker of mine after I left last night, and ended up dealing with the full brunt of it this morning. Let's just say I've spent the past three and a half hours working on one single client, while trying to balance phone calls and ticket updates in the meantime. The end is in sight, though!
I've discovered something over the past few work days--I have a real tendency to mumble to myself while I'm working. I've probably always done it, but for some reason, have just noticed it now. Weird. Weird, but also indicative of my work Tourettes, I suppose. 'Fuck. Nonono, FUCK, dammit. Shit. Aw man, fuck a monkey.' And so forth. All relatively quiet, but enough that people probably *could* hear it, if they were paying attention. Oops.
Random comment for the day: It's a real pain in the ass when you finally get your first bathroom break of the morning and, distracted by various stuff while you walk in, you only realize that the bathroom light is OFF when the door starts to slam shut behind you. 'Hey! Heyhey, wait, dark!'
Duh.
A jumbled essay on why I haven't shared my feelings about 9/11, why I'm reluctant to do so now. Initially, there was also going to be a discussion about patriotism here, but I think that one's best left untouched right now.
It's been a year and a half since the World Trade Center collapsed into a rush of flame and debris, since the Pentagon lost one of its sides, since some very brave men and women fought back and foiled the plans of their hijackers, ultimately losing their lives in the Pennsylvania country. I remember where I was when I heard--of course I do, who doesn't? In that respect, it's on a level with Challenger, with Kennedy, with Columbia, with other tragedies that touch the heart of a nation. I don't believe that September 11th was a tragedy, however, not by any stretch of the imagination--try *outrage*, and maybe that'll be closer to the mark.
When the first plane hit, I was fifteen minutes away from being officially awake for the day. I was lying in bed, listening to the sound of Brett's breathing, getting myself mentally ready to get out of bed for work. I was blissfully ignorant of everything happening on the opposite coast until sometime on my drive to work, when the radio station that I typically listen to in the mornings went to a news break and started to talk about the situation.
Now, my mom works for Boeing, so when they mentioned that a plane had flown *into* the towers, I was floored. At first, I didn't even know there was more than one plane, the station would just continue to give bits and pieces every now and then, none of it truly informative. The broadcasters sounded as bemused as I felt, as if the whole thing were simply too unreal to grasp, reporting on stories they were getting, but not really *comprehending* them. They didn't break in often, and it was so infrequent enough that I didn't really think the situation was that serious. Surely a plane didn't fly IN to one of the towers...did it? Did a plane fly too close to the towers and clip it with a wing or something? Little did I know.
In the parking lot, I ran into one of my co-workers, and we sat there talking to each other, mostly just echoes on the same theme: can you believe this? We headed inside, where I had my radio set up--and believe me, I have never been happier that I've had it at work than I was that day. I found an AM feed for CNN and checked my email, where I got another one of those 'can you believe this?' comments, this time from my mother. She made sure I was okay, I made sure she was okay, we confirmed that none of our family were traveling, said our 'I love you's, and then... then I did the only thing I *could* do, which was to concentrate on work.
One of my other co-workers was very upset at the situation, and I'm still not quite sure why it affected her the way it did--at least, not then. True, we had field engineers in the area, but they'd all eventually called in to report that they were safe. We heard from a good deal of our clients, too, though that came somewhat later, and we ended up having to replace a server or two because they were destroyed.
We listened as the towers fell, and shook our heads in disbelief. Who? Who could've done this, and why? Casualty estimates started to roll in once the towers were gone--how many people did those offices hold? The planes struck after the start of the work day, even east coast time, so there could've been so many thousands...how many people, after all, work in office buildings that are so tall? At that point, I tried to block out the radio, but I left it on, since there were still people who wanted to hear.
I floated through the day and on back home surrounded by this weird feeling of unreality. On the MUSH, we called a moratorium on the no-spammy knot, and all gathered in a room to just generally talk, and offer support. Life-affirming, sort of, in a weird and geeky sort of way. We waited for news from the NYC-area MUSHers, we thought good thoughts for the girl whose brothers were all in NYC, and we were relieved right along with another of our number when she found out that her parents were *NOT* on the flight from Boston to San Francisco, as they were scheduled to be.
When I got home, I turned on the news, and tried to put my finger on how I felt, but it was quite a bit more difficult than I'd thought. I watched the plane crash into the building, I watched the towers fall, I saw a URL--someone had a digital camera, and was quick enough to take pictures of it, but even then, seeing wasn't really believing. I know a guy who works at ILM, this is the kind of stuff he lives and breathes for, and this is all some big, elaborate movie trailer, right?
That's when I finally put my finger on why I still felt so detached, even after seeing some of the most disturbing news footage I've ever witnessed in my life. I'm a west coast girl--I was born in North Carolina, but raised in
Utah, before I moved to Seattle and then to California. I've been to Boston, I've been to Toronto, I've been to DC, but never to New York, not even to the *state* of New York, not ever. Never been to Manhattan, never been downtown...never actually *seen* the World Trade Center...not with my own eyes. In the setting-establishing shots of TV shows and movies, sure. In pictures, on the news, but never with my own eyes, and *that* makes all the difference. It feeds into that sense of unreality I feel--New York, New York, that's some nebulous place that I know exists, but it's never been a part of my reality. And so, as a result, watching that footage, watching the towers fall, it was the same as hearing about it.
I felt...nothing.
Not sadness for the people who'd died that day, not really. Not anger for the fact that some terrorist group had attacked my country. I felt nothing. And so, after Brett and TC came home, and we *all* watched CNN for awhile, I finally had to get up and walk away. Part of it was just plain and simple information overload--that scene of the plane flying into one of the towers is now etched into the memory of so many millions of people was something that I didn't want to watch anymore. I didn't want to hear anymore about the Pentagon, or about the plane in Pennsylvania that was likely headed for the White House.
I called my mom, who talked about her own anger, and when I told her I didn't feel that, she was surprised. It's just different for me, I said, though I couldn't articulate why at the time. The clap of thunder had already hit me, I was already trying to deal with feeling nothing, because I kept thinking I should be feeling *something*, so I didn't want to share that, even with her.
So many months later, I have to wonder if part of what I was feeling was plain and simple shock. Even now, though, there's still a very big sense of unreality to it all, which leads me to believe that it wasn't. I'm sad for the people who lost their lives and for their families, but that's really about all I can feel about the whole thing.
This, though, is part of the reason why I haven't said anything before--it must be very strange to hear someone say that, even a year and a half later, they still don't really feel much of anything about it, or, at best, feels a very strange sort of apathy. I don't want to belittle what anyone *else* feels, either, by the fact that I just don't feel anything, thus I'm silent.
And I wonder...would I feel this way, had I been there and seen it with my own eyes? Would I feel differently if it was something I knew, like some of the public monuments in Washington DC, or the Golden Gate Bridge, or the Space Needle in Seattle?
Some might say I'm lucky, to feel the way I do about it. I'm not so sure.
1. What was the last TV show you watched?
Uh, show? You mean, like, *show* show, or can I just say that the last thing I watched was hockey the other night? That kind of counts, doesn't it? But if you're talking about a *show*, the last thing I watched was The Most Outrageous TV Game Show Moments, Part 2. (I shouldn't be surprised that there was a part two, or that there's going to be a part *four* next month, which means there's a part three somewhere, because I know that people can be dumb, but sheesh!)
2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem?
I can't really answer this one, at the risk of making it seem like all I ever do is complain. That's not entirely true. :)
3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?
Anna, in our apartment complex office, complimenting her shirt (specifically the color), and how nice it looked on her. Royal purple velvety-type stuff. Nice.
4. What was the last thing you threw away?
An empty soda bottle. This is a boring question, it should be something like 'what was the last *meaningful* thing you threw away,' but then, maybe that was the intent, and I'm being too picky and too literal. :)
5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?
www.fark.com -- check out the Google photoshop contest, some of the stuff in there made me laugh my ass off. :)
1. File taxes as early as possible, or wait until the last possible minute?
As early as possible, typically, because I generally get money back. I filed in February this year, but waited til April to send it off the state return, because I had to pay them.
2. File electronically, or mail paper forms?
Electronically. Much easier.
3. Prepare your own taxes, or have someone do it for you?
Hrm. I guess this one counts as having someone else do it for me, because I use TurboTaxWeb to take care of this stuff. All I really do is put numbers in.
4. Are you a saver or a spender?
*cough* Uh. Spender, definitely, which...well. Let's just say that this question has prompted the essay below. :)
5. Do you prefer to carry cash, or pay with plastic (credit/debit cards), or by check?
Debit card, most often. Sometimes cash, if I've got it. Check only if I have to. I didn't start carrying my checkbook with me til I got my new thing...which is really a purse, I guess, but I hate that word. Can I just say that I hate that word? Bah. :)
6. You're broke and desperately need a job, but the only places that are hiring are retail or fast food places. Which would you pick?
Retail, definitely. The customers suck, but guh, I worked fast food for six months at Kentucky Fried Chicken (or, as Brett says, Come-Fuck-Me Fried Pigeon), and that was enough. ENOUGH. Ew ew ew.
7. Keeping track of your money: are you more meticulous or careless about it?
I'm not exactly careless about it, but neither am I totally meticulous.
8. What do you do if you find yourself with a lot of change weighing down your purse/pocket/wallet? Do you try to spend it to *get rid of it*, or do you put it in a jar or a piggy bank?
I put it in a jar (or, in the case of my car, the little spare change drawer), then when I get a good pile of it, I take it to one of those electronic counting machines at the store and get cash.
9. Which form of fake money do you like better...Monopoly money or those chocolate coins covered with gold foil?
Monopoly money, definitely.
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: You find a wallet containing $5,000 in cash, as well as several credit cards and the owner's drivers' license. Your rent is due tomorrow and you're short $200. Do you take the money (some or all of it) and mail back the wallet anonymously...or do you return the wallet with all contents intact?
Oh, return the wallet with the contents intact. Not saying I wouldn't be tempted, but I'm a strong believer in karma, and I'd be so guilty afterwards that I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
So, that question above, 'Are you a saver or a spender?' got me to thinking on the way home, namely about horoscopes, and self-fulfilling prophecies. See, I was born on July second, that puts me smack dab in the middle of the Cancer sun sign, and there are a lot of predictions and insights on How A Cancer Should Be by various astrologers and books and things. Interestingly, a lot of the 'traits' that a Cancer-born person is said to exhibit are ones that I do, in fact, exhibit. I've got a very strong need for security, I've got a pretty good intuition about people, and I'm moody as all get out.
However, one of the other traits that I'm supposed to have is some sense of financial prudence. Cancers, they say, always know where their money is, they're very meticulous about it, strict about budgeting, always have an eye for sales, and are generally pretty tight-fisted with money.
This is the point at which I diverge from a 'typical Cancer,' because I am really none of those things. I'm not strict about budgeting, and though I do prefer to get things on sale (who doesn't?), I won't *not* buy something I want if it *isn't* on sale. I haven't budgeted my checkbook in I don't know how long--why should I? I barely use it, and I have web access to my bank account, who needs to keep a paper record? So, whatever 'good with money' gene I was supposed to get from my sun sign, it's not mine.
It was that particular bit of internal commentary on the way home from work that got me thinking. Astrology is far from an exact science, though I'm sure the people who practice it would tell me either that it is, or that it's an art rather than a science. They'd also argue, and I've read this for myself, it's rare to find a person who exhibits *every* facet of their sun sign's personality, because there are so many other things that can influence that--rising sign, position of other planets in the chart, moon sign, all that good stuff. I'm not going to argue that, but I still wonder...
How much of someone's defining characteristics are truly because that's the luck of the draw they got by having the sun sign they did, and how much of it is self-fulfilling prophecy? How much of it is them (me) reading about their sun sign and deciding, about themselves, that they exhibit those characteristics, and truly *living* as if they did? Now, it's true, I don't think that anyone would choose to live the life of a moody, crabby, prone to snapping and needing alone time sort of person... :) But still, that's not a thought I can get rid of.
So many other things are influenced by how they're viewed--like mood, for instance. I had a really big perspective shift a few months ago when I realized that, part of the reason I was so miserable at work all the time, part of the reason that I *always* had bad days is because...that's what I expected of myself. I expected to have crappy days at work, I expected to come home tired and cranky, and to always be unhappy, so what did I get? Crappy, tired, cranky, and unhappy. Once I realized that I really do have control over stuff like that, my life at work, and at home, became so much better. Mind you, I still think I've reached that point of nirvana at work: apathy! But the fact is, when I encourage a positive mood rather than a negative one, I'm much more productive, and I come home feeling much better. That's worth the attitude shift.
That's the sort of thing I mean, though, when it comes to horoscopes and sun sign analysis. Maybe I am the way I am, we are the way we are, because we're told that's how we *should* be, based upon our birthdates.
And, then again, maybe I'm off my rocker. That's been known to happen. :)
So, Brett created a blog for me last night, after much discussion. Today, I finally picked out a name for it, since 'Sweetie's Blog' may be cute and all, but doesn't really mean much to anyone else who might read it. Not that I anticipate that anyone other than Brett *will* read it, but still. :)
I should point out right at the outset that I owe the inspiration for the blog's title to Kip Winger (yes, of the 80s band Winger), who released a solo album awhile back of the same name. No infringement is intended, and if I ever get a cease and desist letter, please know that I'll abide by it pretty damn quick. I like the idea, though, and at some point, I'll probably write an entry about why that is.
I'm still musing on the whole purpose of the blog. I put in a secondary description, though, which I think covers it pretty well. I've always loved writing, so most of it should be fairly self-explanatory.
The music thing...I guess I've mentioned it before, though probably mostly in passing. Music has always played a big part of my life, and maybe more than people realize, so one of the things I'll probably post about here is related to that. I'll also probably put up concert and album reviews, stuff like that, but in truncated entries and with warning flags about the *type* of music they discuss, since I know that not all my friends are interested in the same type of music that I am.
For now, though...this ought to be an interesting adventure, especially for someone who's only ever used livejournal! Sit back and enjoy the ride, I guess? :)