I've probably written about this before, either here or on Livejournal, but back when I was in jr. high or high school, the PTBs were running this thing called PACE - Positive Attitude Changes Everything. It was eyeroll-worthy even then, but all the little stuff they wanted us to do was just...laughable, really, especially for the social misfits like me. Give a compliment to someone you see in the hallway, find something to be happy about and pass it on, whatever. What they forgot was that some people were made happy by the endless tormenting of us misfits, but that's a story for another time.
Even though the whole PACE thing makes me roll my eyes, I also can't really argue with it. Negative attitude does the same thing, for me--if I'm in a pissy mood, even the smallest things will reinforce it.
Today is one of those days, and I had myself already worked up before I even got to work, thinking about...well, just crappy work stuff. My manager's peers and his boss are all in town today, and several things that have happened since the current regime (my boss's boss) took over still rankle, even though they happened a couple of years ago. It's made worse by things that have been said recently, too, and thinking about that this morning just got me all kinds of pissed off.
Now, all the little things that would ordinarily make me roll my eyes and move along are now just adding fuel to the fire and making me ready to snap.
... Like the fact that one of my co-workers removing the note in the group's calendar that she was late on Monday, even though...hello...she was late! She even called to say that she'd be in late!
... Like two separate clients of mine, who I've provided detailed information for, are pestering me for status requests, even though *I* am waiting for *them*, but I can't politely remind them that I've already asked for more information in order to troubleshoot their problem, oh noooooo, this has to be all MY fault.
... Like the fact that we're having a damn 'diversity' potluck today AT ALL, not to mention the fact that it's scheduled for noon, which means I can either eat late and starve, or eat at my scheduled time and skip the lunch (though at least I brought my dish, but that also pisses me off, mutter)--but, of course, skipping it means that my manager will get into trouble, because gee, the fact that someone has, oh, WORK to do is clearly less important than showing up and...
*cough*
See what I mean? It all just starts to roll together.
I'm trying to remind myself of the PACE thing--perhaps not the specific program at school, but of the general methodology and philosophy.
I'm trying very hard to find my happy place today. I don't want to be a snarly, black mass of annoyance and 'don't come near me' vibes today. It's far too exhausting.
If only I could have stayed home in bed.
Posted by Liz at January 26, 2005 05:07 AM