This Conversation Seems Like A Dream

Dear...

Dear Nasty Ugly Bitchy Asian Lady Peering Over The Wheel Of A Big-Ass SUV:

Hi. See that DARK BLUE CAR over on your left? Yeah, the one you've nearly drifted into three times, threatened to cut off more than once, AND given dirty looks to because YOU are the one who can't fucking drive? Yeah, that's me. If you don't knock that shit off, I will do you some serious harm.

Love,
Pissed-Off Commuter

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Dear Amazon.Com:

Just because I happen to like Melissa Etheridge and Indigo Girls, and just because I happened to click on a link showing the Arwen and Aragorn as Barbie and Ken dolls because a friend showed it to me does NOT mean that I am a lesbian with a doll fetish. Fuck off.

Cordially,
Annoyed Consumer

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Dear Dead Things Red Wings Fan:

You are not in Detroit. Throwing an octopus onto the ice after your team scores a goal will only get your ass kicked by various Sharks fans as the ushers escort you out. How about you shove that nasty thing up your ass, instead?

Amusedly,
That Girl Up In 224

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Dear Asshat Sitting Behind Me:

Yeah, I know, it's a hockey game. Yeah, I know you're there to have fun. Yeah, I also know that a lot of people come to games to drink, eat, and talk up a storm. However. Dropping your empty beer bottle in front of you can cause it to roll down a level, and frankly, I don't want my shoes smelling like skanky beer. Also, I get that the 'Wings are sucking. Shut the hell up. One more thing: If you drop another fucking chip on me, I am going to pick up this empty bottle of yours, bend you over, and shove it up your ass with no lube. Especially if there's cheese on it.

Annoyedly,
Still That Girl In 224

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Dear Chronically Stupid Cow-Orker:

Go home. Go home, and don't come back until you can beg, borrow, steal, or barter your soul away to Satan for a brain. Your office-mates will thank you.

Hugs'N'Kisses
No, My Name Is NOT 'Lid'

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Dear Gross And Disgusting Bitches:

For the fifteen millionth time, FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET!

Nauseously,
The Gagging Woman

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Brought to you by cranky/bitchy girl.

Posted by Liz at January 20, 2004 11:09 AM