The Proddy Rider Tango

Kassima: "I don't understand why so many people are afraid of me when I'm proddy. It's not like I did anything damaging to humans... at least, not anything that was damaging physically. Mentally may be a whole other story."

Note: This filk is a parody of 'The Masochism Tango,' which was written by the wonderfully twisted Tom Lehrer. Let's all give him a big round of applause and a third-degree burn or two.

The Proddy Rider Tango

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But I fear all I'll feel are your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else
As we dance to the proddy rider tango.

Let our lust be a flame, not an ember!
Say it's not me you want to dismember!
You'll bruise my eye,
And beat me 'til I cry,
As we dance to the proddy rider tango.

At lust's command,
Before you here I stand!
With no wine in my hand... aigh!
It's here that I must be!
My heart entreats;
You hear its savage beats,
And as our passion heats,
You'll prob'ly trample me.

Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
Which is causing me exquisite agony!
My soul is on fire;
It's aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire when we tango.

You sliced my nose
Off with your sharp knife, love;
You tried to take my life, love,
When I leered at you then.
How I envied the blade
That you toyed with that night, love;
You were a fearsome sight, love,
When you threatened the men!

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches;
The last time, I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash
As we danced to the proddy rider tango.

You bashed my brain
And made me scream with pain,
Then kicked me once again
When I tried to depart.
I know too well
I'm underneath your spell;
But how could I foretell
That you'd try to stab my heart?

You'll take your knife-blade from its sheath, aye,
And try to slice-and-dice me 'til I die.
You'll break my spine,
But then you'll be mine,
As we dance to the proddy rider tango!

				---Written by Kassima

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