Pierron

Kassima: "It's not those animal noises he makes at me when I enter the room that make me wary of Pierron. It's that he sleeps with tubers. Honestly, how can you trust anyone who keeps company like that?"

Note: It was inevitable, I suppose, that after writing up my page of Pierron rumors past and present I would think of our dear rumor-bot the next time I heard Weird Al Yankovic's 'Jerry Springer.' And my better sense lost the battle to determine whether or not I'd actually do a parody of a parody. So I hereby thank Weird Al for writing the aforementioned inspiration, and also E. Robertson for the song 'One Week,' on which that inspiration was based.

Pierron

It's been one week since we got to hear
About Weyrlings who snuck off and drank beer;
Five days since he told us all
How Aly bonked Felinar in the Bowl post-Fall.
Three days since we heard the tale
About the latest guy Kassi turned to a she-male--
Yesterday, it occured to me
I've been listening a bit too much to Pierron. 

Faranth's teats, d'you hear what he said?
Well there was this redhead
Who got her chest measured by N'kshar!
Do you recall when her brawl
Became a total free-for-all
And A'lex broke her wrist and she declared that it was war?
Hey, see J'lyn with his buttless pants?
He did a lap-dance
For the cute boyfriend of his daughter!
And there's May with Kiat now,
And did you hear how
T'saren hollered when he caught her?
J'lor's big foo is new and few
Can hope to match it, it is true;
Foo-envy causes reprehensible behavior!
And then some green glows, off go the clothes,
Benden red flows, that's how it goes,
They drink so fast they barely notice its fine flavor! 

They're always yelling, teasing, kicking butt and pointing blame!
Hear 'em swear, they don't care, they've got no shame!
There was one guy who Flirk's klah turned a little strange;
He ran around stark naked, it was deranged.
They have a tendency to do strange things constantly;
They have a history of wearing lace and kilts. 

It's been one week since the fateful night
When he warned me that Pleiath was looking bright.
Five days since Ursa's big brawl--
They still haven't got the blood off the wall.
It's been three days since Asrai first spewed
In K'nan's riding helmet, wasting all that good food.
Yesterday, finally dawned on me:
I'm spending way too much time listening to Pierron. 

Once you first listen, there's just no missin'
The latest news that Pierron's hissin'--
There's no stopping the growth of rumor;
It's like a tumor,
But it contains so much more humor!
He cannot be trusted, he tells such lies,
But he makes great pies;
Who really cares if it's truth anyway?
Like dear old Salless, he means no harm,
And he has strange charm,
Though he takes baked tubers to bed, they say!
If you've heard him speak, so tongue-in-cheek,
You'll think we're freaks who jump and shriek
And dance on tables wearing pink as did Ryialla!
But you don't know: it isn't so;
Our nights are slow and calm--although
R'val *did* once get turned into Rivalla. 

If you believe him, all the Telgar folk are vandals,
Living wild, getting riled, causing scandals--
When Pierron overhears someone's fevered rant,
Can he keep it to himself? He just can't!
He has a tendency to spread tales with alacrity;
I have a history of buying each one. 

It's been one week since I first was told
About Kharty seeing that man from Bitra Hold.
Five days since the big surprise
When Kichevio said that she's been boffing twenty guys.
Three days since he whispered words
About proddy K'nan slaughtering Caitria's herds.
Yesterday, it occured to me
That I've been listening a bit too much to Pierron.
Tired of wasting my time listening to Pierron.
I've got way too much class to heed that Pierron.
(Now, who'd he say was next due to have spawn...?)

			    ---Written by Kassima

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