-------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Evil Tuber Man and the Good Cookie Woman Date: August 20, 1996 Place: Benden Weyr's Living Caverns Game: PernMUSH Copyright Info: The World of Pern is copyright(c) to Anne McCaffrey l967. The Dragonriders of Pern(r) is a registered copyright. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kassi's Note: This was one of those times when I was feeling inspired-- either that, or really weird. I still can't tell which. Anyway, this log was the result; I'm rather pleased with how the story came out, all told, because some of the people listening seemed to enjoy it. :) This is a short log, but I put it up regardless because I think it's a fun one. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Log: Kassima hmmms. "All right, then, a tale. This one will be about... ah! About the Evil Tuber Man and his enemy, the Cookie Woman...." R'val regards Kassima with a whimsical grin, "Evil Tuber man?" he mouths, shaking his head amusedly. Davidon arches his eyebrow at R'val, "Eh?" Caitria shakes her head. "Now he's going to be afraid of tubers," she murmurs, with a chuckle, then a nod to the trader. R'val chuckles, "I'm baffled as well." He grins at Davidon. Davidon leans forward a little in hopes of catching this tale for himself. "This I've got to hear!" C'vadan shakes his head. "Maybe another time, Ma'am," he says, turning to listen to *this* tale. Kassima raises her eyebrow at R'val and quirks a faint grin, then begins. "Deep in the stewpots of the good Salless's kitchens, there lived a man who was carved from a tuber. Now tubers, as you know, are evil, evil things, and this was an evil, evil man. He decided that he was going to make all the children of the world eat tubers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner alike!" In Kassi's arms, Cailivan watches Kassi unblinkingly for a moment, then drops the leather bit to her lap. R'val sits back to listen, his grin crooked, expression amused. C'vadan resists the urge to get out his writing materials and instead goes to refill his cup. He returns to his seat across from Caitria and listens quietly. Siella takes a seat quietly, watching. Kassima pauses for a brief second to think, picking up the leather absently and offering it to the child again. "The Evil Tuber Man didn't know it, but there was someone who was going to try to foil his terrible plots. The wonderful bakers, Emne and Ofira, had been making special cookies that day--cookies in the shape of men, women, children, and even dragons! And one of those cookie women overheard the Evil Tuber Man talking to himself. All villains talk to themselves when they plan, you see. It's a rule." Caitria stifles a laugh, listening. In Kassi's arms, Cailivan gums the leather again, regretting that he's too young to understand this story. Otherwise, he'd probably find it pretty nifty. C'vadan listens, dark eyes twinkling with mirth. Kethran giggles and shakes his head. "You ever thought about the harpercraft, Kassi?" he asks. "'Oh, nay!' said the Cookie Woman," Kassi continues, using a squeaky voice to demonstrate the Cookie Woman. "'This man made from the evil tubers is going to do a terrible thing! I must stop him!' So she asked one of the cookie dragons, um... Spiceth, right, for help. Spiceth was a brown dragon because Emne hadn't gotten around to frosting him yet. Spiceth agreed to carry the good Cookie Woman to the Hold of the Sugar People so that she might get help." C'vadan shushes Kethran with a grin. R'val chuckles "Not even the harpers are mad enough to take her in." He murmurs with a grin. Davidon sips at his juice thoughtfully as he listens, quirking a silly little smile. Kethran giggles. "Spiceth!" he says, trying hard to keep his laughing soft. Siella grins slightly to herself, listening. Kassima takes another sip of citron, then resumes. "Spiceth was a very young dragon because he'd just come from the oven, and everyone knows that very young dragons can't fly too well. So he and the Cookie Woman crash landed in the middle of the Great Sugar Bowl!" Her expression reflects her horror at this terrible tragedy. "Fortunately, both Spiceth and the Cookie Woman survived unharmed, though now Spiceth sparkled because of all the sugar on him. Just as the Cookie Woman picked herself up and was dusting off her cookie skirts, she heard... a voice!" Davidon murmers softly, "An honorary Harper perhaps?" Caitria says softly, "My little brothers would _love_ this." Siella listens quietly, interested now against her will. R'val glances at Tria and grins silently. Benden Weyr> Caitria gnaws her nails, breathless with anticipation. Who is the voice!? ;) Kassima deepens her voice to try and make it sound like a man's, without much success. "'Woman who is made of spicy dough and sugar,' the Voice intoned, 'why have you come?' Well, the Cookie Woman was mightily afraid, but she had Spiceth to protect her. So she stepped forward and piped up, 'Mister Voice, I'm the Cookie Woman and I'm here to stop an evil plot by the Evil Tuber Man! He wants to make all the cute little children like adorable young Cail here eat tubers all the time!' 'Why, that's terrible!' said the Voice. 'I will help you stop him, good Cookie Woman, for I am the Lord Syrup of the Great Sugar Bowl!' And the Cookie Woman gasped in awe, for Lord Syrup's powers of sweetness were renowned throughout the Kitchen." Davidon looks around, "What, no one is writing this down?" C'vadan laughs softly, trying not to interrupt. Caitria turns her laugh into a quiet cough, taking a sip of juice as the cough becomes an actual one. "Lord Syrup," she murmurs. Kethran shakes his head to Davidon. "We're all too busy enjoying it!" Siella frowns slightly, sitting back in her chair. Davidon chuckles, though he brings a hand to his mouth so as not to be too loud for the story telling. "Aye, tis true enough." Kassima takes a moment more to think before she ahs and goes back to tale- spinning. "The great Lord Syrup called forth his minions--the Klah Almond Boy, the Bubbly Pie Girl, and the Wher of Redfruit Ice to come and aid he and Cookie Woman in their sacred Quest. All piling aboard Spiceth, they flew off to confront the Evil Tuber Man in his Stewpot of Vile-Tasting Terror." Benden Weyr> C'vadan says, "I thinks the Bubbly Pie Girl is a LCG, right Kassi? ;)" Benden Weyr> Kassima says, "Ayep, right by the King of Jell-O Pudding Snacks. ;)" Benden Weyr> Caitria LOL. :) Benden Weyr> C'vadan says, "Isn't Klah Almond Boy the sidekick of Powdered Toast Man?" Benden Weyr> R'val says, "Powdered Toast Maaaaaaan!" Kassima licks her lips; this story is making her hungry. After casting a wistful glance towards the cookie platter, she continues. "All six of these wonderfully unhealthy heroes landed in the Stewpot without mishap, and sure enough, the Evil Tuber Man was there--and he had been carving more Evil Tuber People! He was going to build a Hold of Tubers! This had to be stopped. Immediately, all the sweet minions disembarked from Spiceth and left he and the Cookie Woman to battle the Evil Tuber Man while they took on the small and rather mushy Tuber People. Most of them were already starting to spoil, y'see." Caitria hmms, and snags a cookie from a nearby tray, munching while she listens. Benden Weyr> C'vadan says, "I know the outer area of the Tuber People is hilly. Is the Inner Tuber flat?" Benden Weyr> C'vadan ducks. Davidon sips his juice in hopes of not laughing too loudly at the story. Kassima brushes her bangs out of her face. "The fight was long and grueling. Who would win? But eventually, the might of the Syrup Lord and his legions overcame the Tuber People. The Evil Tuber Man was much covered with sugar, and Spiceth bore wounds of mashed tuber on his brown spicy hide. 'This cannot be!' boomed the Evil Tuber Man. 'I cannot be destroyed--but it is my awful taste that gives me power! With this sugar, I'm--sweet! Naaaaaaaaaay!' But it was too late. The Evil Tuber Man was dead!" Kassi pauses to cheer, then assumes a somber expression. "Now, if only it all had ended there... but that isn't the conclusion of our tale." R'val looks dubious, "There's more?" He can't help a grin. C'vadan blinks and continues to listen, trying to figure out how Kassima plans to top this story. Siella sighs slightly, leaning back into her seat. Kethran chuckles. "There's more," he says, certain of this. Davidon gasps softly in mock surpise, "What? Something else?" Kassima sighs morosely. "For it was discovered that, while the Tuber People were gone, there were still lots and lots and lots of tubers left-- more than Cookie Woman and her allies could take on and win! It seemed that, despite their victory, people of Pern would *still* have to eat tubers. 'Was everything for naught?' Cookie Woman asked sadly. 'Nay, good Cookie Woman,' the Syrup Lord intoned. 'For because of what we have achieved, children and adults alike will be able to eat good foods along with tubers--and can even have sweets if they want!' 'That's wonderful!' the Cookie Woman enthused. There was much rejoicing. Then, the Syrup Lord took Cookie Woman to live with him in his Baklava Hold in the Great Sugar Bowl, and there was even a special weyr for Spiceth. The end! Or is it? Because sometimes--just sometimes--another person wishes to bring back the plots of the Evil Tuber Man. It is then that you must remember that the powers of sweetness have the ability to defeat the horror!" She takes a deep breath and grins. "And that, young Cail, is the finishing of tonight's story." In Kassi's arms, Cailivan would probably make some sort of noise of approval....but he's fast asleep, and has been since Sugar Hold. R'val glances from Cail, to Kassima, and shakes hi shead, "Kassi, you are crazy." He grins, "In a good way of course." Kethran applauds quietly and nodsnods agreement with R'val. "Totally loony." Davidon claps energeticly at the end of the story. In Kassi's arms, Cailivan stirs briefly at the sound of the clapping, but luckily doesn't wake fully. Kassima winces. "Shhhhh! Thankee, but the babe's asleep... Tria, you want to put him down for the night 'fore he wakes?" she murmurs to the boy's mum. C'vadan grins and applauds softly. Caitria nods. "Good idea," she murmurs, carefully lifting the baby into her arms. "C'mere, love...let's go to sleep, hmmm?" She continues to murmur nonsense to the little boy, then, seeing a few people watching her, sticks out her tongue. "What?" Benden Weyr> Kassima sorries for the storyspam. I just couldn't resist, once I'd started.... :) Benden Weyr> Caitria is glad she logged it. :) Benden Weyr> R'val says, "Kassima, you're a loony :)" C'vadan tilts his head. "What what, Ma'am?" Davidon ohs and hushes up, sinking down into his chair with a sheepish smile. Kassima hides a smile at Tria's what, staying vewy vewy quiet until the lad is out of hearing. Mustn't wake him up and have to recite the tale of the Wicked Wench of the Greens and her ally, the Swooning Lower Caverns Girl, after all. Caitria shakes her head. "No matter." She keeps her distance from that one drudge who was watching her...the odd dark one with the sweater, then heads for the inner cavern. "Might be back, but I doubt it...need to get some sleep, m'self." Kassima nods and calls softly, "G'night, Tria. Thanks for letting me hold him for a time." R'val smiles towards Tria and winks," G'night, dear. Take care." C'vadan waves. "Good night, Ma'am." Caitria smiles at Kassi. "Any time y'want to borrow him for a bit, just let me know...daresay I'd be grateful." She nods to the others, and heads into the inner caverns. Caitria walks towards the inner cavern. Davidon waves after Caitrai. Kethran chuckles and sshakes his head. "Where do you get those, Kassi?" Kassima sighs and takes a gulp of citron, then smiles at the others. "Thanks for the kind words, all... ach, I just make 'em up, Keth. They're nay anything of Harper-quality after all." Kethran laughs and shakes his head. "They're funny, and entertaining. What more could one ask?" Davidon shakes his head, "I don't know Kassi, that was pretty good. Crazy as it was." C'vadan grins. "They are right, ma'am." Kassima chuckles and shrugs. "As t'your question... well, my grandsire was a Harper, but I'd never really considered it m'self. Wanted to see some of Pern and wound up getting picked up by Chaeth before I was near ready to settle to a life-course." R'val grins, "Saved you a lot of decision making, didn't Chaeth?" R'val stands suddenly, waving as he walks out. R'val walks down the short tunnel and out into the bowl. Kassima smiles. "Some," she admits. "Had he nay arrived that eve, I likely would've stayed at Ruatha for a bit--if they'd have me--and then seen what to do from there. I hope you all don't mind my interrupting things a bit with that tale... it just seemed rather appropriate, if the lad's to learn early on that tubers are evil." She grins impishly. Davidon hms and waves after R'val, "Night?" Kethran grins. "Must be a greenflight," he shrugs. C'vadan laughs. "Tubers aren't *that* evil, ma'am."