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That's the Story of Love


Date:  June 7, 2003
Place:  Telgar Weyr Lake Shore
Game:  PernMUSH
Copyright Info:  The World of Pern is copyright(c) to Anne McCaffrey 
l967. The Dragonriders of Pern(r) is a registered copyright.

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Kassi's Note:  If you're in the mood for some philosophical rambling,
this might just be the log for you.  Merielan and Kassima spend 
quality time discussing the brownrider's love-life, a few what-might-
have-beens, whether dragonriders can love, and the self-control or
lack thereof inherent in flights--which makes me realize of a sudden
that maybe I should've named this one after an Eric Carmen song 
instead.  Nah, this title works.  But I'll keep that other idea in
mind for future episodes. ;)

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The Log:

Merielan heads over from the central bowl.

Alerith lumbers in from the central bowl.

Never let it be said that Kassima doesn't find interesting things to do
with her time. Tonight the greenrider has chosen one of the largest
boulders around to sit on--one with enough room to allow her to perch
tailor-style and work at dismembering the dead tunnelsnake in front of her.
And oh, yes, it must be mentioned that she's singing cheerfully while she
works: "She said, 'You see this bronzer here? He's nay too bright, and I
believe, if'n you watch me, you'll begin t'see the light.' And as she
teased him, I fast realized she probably was right: there must be fifty
ways t'taunt a bronzer...." Thwack! She cuts one of the 'snake's hind limbs
free and tosses it towards the large group of fire-lizards settled in the
sand nearby. One of the blues snaps it up with a chirping sound of thanks.
Is it really any wonder that Lysseth's looking mildly disgusted?

Merielan waits for Alerith to reach her, and quickly strips him of his
straps and other paraphalnia, dropping her saddlebags here and there in the
sand. Alerith with a happy warble at being unencumbered, wriggles this way
and that, before splahing happily into the lake. Meri watches for a moment,
a small smile curling her lips, and then moves to take a seat on a boulder.
Only then does she notice Kassi---and her face blanches. "Kassi?" She asks
timidly--as if afraid fo the answer.

Kassima breaks off her singing, glancing up from her gory task in surprise.
"Oh, heyla, Meri," she greets, flashing her usual amiable grin. "G'deve
t'you and Alerith... is something wrong? 'Tis hard t'be telling for sure in
this light, but you seem a bit wan." Her ichor-coated knifeblade slices
away at the other back limb of the 'snake in the meanwhile.

Merielan makes a soft noise of distress, almost as if she were trying not
to be sick. A rather sickly shade of green spreads across her face, as she
purses her lips and finally just looks away. "I..ah..I.." Meri begins, but
can't really finish. She takes a large swallow, visibly trying to get
herself under control--"I'm fine." She finally murmurs, eyes focusing on
Kassi's face and -just- her face, not the task she's doing. "I'm all right.
Thank you Kassi. I just--well--even Alerith when he's hunting isnt.." She
trails off, looking greener by the moment.

"Oh." It doesn't take *that* long for Kassi to catch on. She presses her
mouth into a thin line, but more to keep from looking as highly entertained
as she is than out of any displeasure. "Sorry, Meri. Should I be putting
'em away until later? Nay that I hadn't almost finished--only one other
t'go, after this--I got four today, but the greedy flying stomachs have
already eaten the other two." To her credit, she's already reaching for the
carrysack resting beside the boulder to stuff the carcass back into. "Isn't
what?"

"Quite as bad as that.." Meri finishes eventually, apparently having
decided that Kassi wouldn't be offended by her honesty. "I'm sorry to
interupt Kassi--I just--Alerith wanted a swim--" She lets the explanation
trail off, breathing deeply as the green starts to slowly leech out of her
face. "I'm allright, truly--thank you being putting it away." She directs
an apologetic look at the group of flits on the sand "I'm sorry-" She says
to them as well, before returning her gaze to Kassi "So I suppose you've
had a succesful day then? With the tunnelsnakes and all?"

Rather than offended, Kassi seems even more amused. "Be glad you aren't
lifemated t'Lysseth. All these Turns and I still can't get her t'stop
playing with her food; at least now she usually waits until 'tis dead."
Pause. "Mostly. I'd nay be concerned about interrupting, though. I can be
finishing a bit later--'tisn't something I'm *that* eager and overjoyed
t'be doing, hey? Nay, 'Oh, boy, I get t'cut up dead things! Whee!' Lyss
isn't proddy, after all." She sets the sack back down and pulls a cloth
from her pocket to clean her blade with; it already bears streaks of ichor,
so chances are good it's not the first time it's served this purpose. The
fire-lizards merely regard Meri with sleepily blue eyes. Most of them also
sport rather distended stomachs. "Relatively successful. 'Tis a form of
exercise, if'n nay quite as good a one as swimming or running or the
rest--but I've done those oft enough that I wanted a change of pace, if'n
y'ken. Do you never go hunting? And how did your day go?"

Merielan copies Kassi's rather comfortable looking position, moving so that
she's sitting tailor style, elbows on thighs, face in her upturned palms.
"I've gone tunnel snake hunting.." She admits with a slight smile "..and I
wouldn't say that it doesn't have it's merits, but I must admit I've never
um..cut them up like that. I just chase'em down and let others dispose of
them." She chuckles a bit, not looking a bit sickly any longer, rather the
upset in fact. She's got a bit of a glow about her, as if it had been a
very good day indeed. "I had quite a good day, thank you. Rather
routine--but I did squeeze in a bit of relaxing away from the
weyrlings--and it's just been lovely..."

Kassima takes a last swipe at her knife with the cloth before digging a
whetstone from the same pocket. "I could have just let the Swarm tear 'em
up themselves," she admits while whisking the knife's edge across the
stone, "but now and then I like t'give 'em a little personal treatment. And
this way I can be sure each of 'em gets fed, besides. Have you ever given
'em to the Dragonhealers? Sometimes they can use the bodies--" She's kind,
though, and breaks the thought off there. "Mmm-hmm, has it now? You look
fair pleased for simple relaxation. I'truth, you resemble a feline who's
fallen into a barrel of cream."

Merielan is listening carefully, eyes darting back and forth as they follow
the path of Kassi's blade, almost like a hypnotist with a watch. It seems
to lull her into some sort of trance, almost and it takes a slight shake
for Meri to come back to herself. She lifts her head, letting her arms hang
down into the 'cradle' formed by her legs. She picks up a pebble from the
boulder, and throws it onto the beach, watching as it skitters. "I've a bit
of dragonhealing training--" She begins, picking up another pebble "-but
they haven't mentioned tunnel snake bodies as of yet." And her expression
says that she hopes they never get around to mentioning that particular
aspect of training. "I've had a good week." Is her answer to the second
question, that feline smile flitting about her lips again, making them bow
up into another smug smile.

"I think 'tis that they use 'em for practicing sutures on," Kassima offers
in that way she has of trying to be helpful even when, possibly, she's
being anything but. "I don't really know, though. I've never had much more
t'do with Dragonhealing than I absolutely had to... a good sevenday." Her
right eyebrow inches upwards. "Is this about the Weyrlings? Connected to
the Weyrlings? You seem a bit smug for it t'be Weyrlings."

"I like the weyrlings." Meri admits, that smile still there, but clearly
Meri's trying to suppress it, as it moves down and then springs back up
again, irrepresible. "I like most of them. S'tar and Fallanth are not doing
as well I'd like--but I've spoken to I'sai about them." She goes on in this
vein for quite awhile, really longer then is nessecary, moving from
interesting and verging quite dangerously on boring. "--but they recovered
from the fall with nary a sprain. And then I said to Bronwynn--about Lara
and Sillenth--" But she finishes them, perhaps having bored even
herself--and finally bursts out with "K'ran." But not more then that,
biting her lower lip as if to keep from saying more.

It might verge quite dangerously on boring for most, but Kassima listens
with no evidence--visible evidence, anyway--of impatience, instead nodding
along with certain points and making sounds of thoughtful surprise at
others. "Some of that just sounds like the usual new pairing mistakes, at
least," she finally says, "but 'twill be interested in seeing how they
change, if'n they do, from what they're doing now--" Pause. Her second
eyebrow rises to join the first, both attempting to disappear beneath the
fall of her forelock. "What about him?" she inquires. "Did you decide
t'spawn with him after all? Are you going t'name it after me?"

"We're not spawning!" Meri protests--perhaps a bit too vehmently. "We're
just--more then friends I suppose--right now--but--" She finishes there,
drawing her knees upwards and in, holding then her chest and laying her
face in her knees. Almost like a turtle going into it's shell. She looks up
tentativly then, that smile back in force, full force. "It's just--we had a
chat." She pauses again, rocking back and forth a bit, and finally just
spiling all. "And we've--we're going to--be--more then friends. And
then--see where it goes from there."

Kassima's brows do not immediately go down. Her knife does still against
the stone, though, its sharpened edge glittering in moonlight. "Friends who
sleep together?" she hazards finally. "That sort of thing? I guess I'm nay
surprised--he has an eye for women, 'tis said, and there was clearly some
sort of tension between you two."

"It was his fault.." Meri grumps, cocking her chin on her knees, and
watching Kassi carefully. "..he started it all. I had no idea he had any
interest in me at all until he said something a few weeks ago." Her
shoulders shrug upwards, her smile firmly in place now. "It makes me
happy--it's nice to have a friend who's--more then that. It's a good
arrangment--at least I hope it'll be, it isn't really anything as of yet."

"What did he say?" Kassi has to ask, never one to let a hint of gossip pass
unpursued. "I'truth, I didn't know either, that he'd a specific interest in
you, but that's hardly surprising. We aren't usually confidantes." The
surprise in her expression has started to lessen, but there's still a bit
of it there as she nods slowly and agrees, "You do seem very happy. I hope
'tis working out t'please you; I can't imagine K'ran ever being monogamous,
and mayhaps nay being madly in love with anyone besides Tarien--nay that
I'm really any sort of authority at all on what the man would or wouldn't
do!--but it doesn't sound as if'n 'tis what you're looking for, so it may
work out quite well for you both."

Merielan looks a bit surprised. "Tarien? Madly in love?" She repeats, not
looking upset really--just surprised. "I mean--obviously I knew that they'd
been involved. But--well at least Kich said--they're madly in love?" She
repeats again, as slowly the surprise moves away from her expression. "I
think it'll work out, and I am happy. And I promise Kassi--if there is
spawn, I'll name it after you."

Kassima tilts her head to one side. "Sure, a'course--" is her immediate
response, but she stops herself and takes a moment to consider. "I'd think
so, anyway. He moons over her. You should've seen him the first time
Indrath and Mirrath had a clutch on the Sands--shells, and I couldn't get
barely anyone t'bet against Indrath catching her; everyone could see that
coming from a mile off, it seems. But I'm nay that close t'K'ran and
haven't ever even spoken that much with Tarien, y'ken? For all I know
they've a different story, but I would be surprised. K'ran might sleep with
other women and likely plenty of 'em, but 'twould wager his heart is
Tarien's." She lifts her shoulders in an amiable sort of shrug. "May it
make 'em both happy, though I've always felt a bit sorry for Tarlo. Anyway.
If'n you're happy, then I'm well happy for you, and I hope you enjoy him,
hmm?" That holds a slight teasing note, and she offers her friend a grin.
"Ah! And spawn named for me! I'm touched! Just make sure it gets the K-name
part; for luck, y'know."

Merielan is silent for long moments, digesting this information. She hands
flutter agaisnt her legs, as she chews on her lower lip, eyes lowered, lost
in thought. She raises her head, watching Kassi once more "Huh--" Is all
she says for another few moments "--that I hadn't known. But--" She pauses
again and then finally continuies seemingly past her shock "-I think that's
fine. I think--if anyone has my heart right now it'd be K'nan--but I like
K'ran--I think it'll be fun." She cocks her head to the side, a teasing
glint moving into her eyes "I've already had Kiere--don't suppose I could
convince you that we meant all along to name him after you?"

Kassima slides her dagger into its sheath at her hip with a quiet hiss, and
tucks the whetstone away. "I could be wrong," she warns. "If'n it starts
t'bother you, you might do better t'ask K'ran about it straight out, see
what he says. But if'n you're fine with it all--well, then, there's
something t'be said for fun; and what rumors I've heard about the matter
would have it that he'll probably be good t'you. He seems generally
affectionate towards his lovers, y'know? And mayhaps," and now she's
definitely teasing, "after you've been together awhile, you can talk him
into wearing those fabled buttless pants with the white rhinestones for
you. Ach, but nay! Nay, nay, nay, sorry. Kiere having a K is wonderful, but
I don't know if'n T'kar would be appreciating it if'n I started claiming
that the K *he* contributed was actually in *my* honor!"

"I saw the way he acted with Tarlo--" Meri muses, her expression thoughtful
"-he seemed very nice with her." She sighs gently, a slightly sad
expression on her face "I feel rather bad for Tarlo myself. I don't know
what happened between them, but they were very happy once. But--so were a
lot of people--like T'kar and I--so I can't quite say I'm surprised, but I
do feel a bit sorry for her--they were a nice couple." She muses for a few
moments more, moving away from the personal and more into a sort of
'musing'. "Bronwynn and I were talking about this with some of the
weyrlings--how at least--I thought--that it's rather harder to retain a
relationship within the weyr. And I asked K'nan once--how he thought how
different it might have been--if he hadn't been searched, if he'd married
someone--"

"I can't say I understand it either, how pairings that can seem so solid
and stable in the beginning can just... end." Kassi gives a brief, wry
laugh that hasn't much real humor in it. "Nay that I'm so much the
authority on the whole subject, hey? The last person who should be giving
advice or thinking I know aught about how the game works, am I. I don't
really know whether 'tis harder or nay. Some pairs are very solid and stay
true for Turns. Others--well. Don't. What did K'nan say?"

"That he wouldn't have ended up married--he thought--" Meri gives a little
laugh--but a fond one, taking a bit of the censure out of the words. "Can't
quite say I'm surprised. To tell the truth--I'm not sure I would've
married. Or stayed--or any number of other things." Grey eyes turn and
pierce into Kassi's, searching, curious "D'you think you would've Kassi?
Stayed with your family? Married someone? Had a brood of littles?"

Kassima sets to toying with the end of her braid now that her hands are
free, a frown of thought crossing her face. "I don't know. As Da's only
heir... I probably would've been pressed t'be returning, soon or late,
t'take the Holding, and marry and have more heirs in turn. But 'twas more
interested in being a Crafter or Guard than a Holder, really. I don't know
how I'd have ended up. I doubt I'd have made a happy marriage, though."
Again she shrugs, this time with only one shoulder. "'Tis thankful enough I
am that the matter's moot. Can't say I'm surprised either at K'nan nay
marrying, though. He was m'mentor and y'know I adore him, but monogamy's
never been his strongest suit."

"I know--he must've been interesting as a mentor." Meri murmurs, looking
rather amused at the thought. "I know he's not the best at being
monogamous, but I do love him, and I know he loves me, and though he may
stray--the one thing that's true about him is that he's always there--d'you
know what I mean?" Her eyes are turned inward, arms moving slowly up and
down her legs, fingers tracing wrinkle lines in her pants "I don't think
I'dve made a happy marriage myself. Mayhap that's one of the reasons people
are searched? Because they don't fit in? Because they're looking for
something else?" She smiles then, looking a bit chagrined "I'm sorry for
asking so many questions Kassi--I guess I'm just in a thoughtful mood
tonight."

"I hope he loves Ryialla at least as much," Kassi murmurs quietly, as much
to herself as the brownrider. "Since she's his weyrmate, and someone who
well deserves t'be loved by her weyrmate. I don't doubt that he loves you
too, though." She lets that subject lie there and takes to the other, if
not without something of a pause. "I don't know that I didn't fit in.
I'truth, in matters of romance, I'd have done better as a Holder wife, like
as nay. But methinks I suit dragonriding better--and if'n 'tis me you're
asking, if'n aught determines Search, 'tis that: whether you'd do well as a
rider, regardless of aught else in your life. Shells, Meri, I don't mind
questions. Ask all you want, even if'n I can't be promising any profound or
helpful answers."

"I'm not sure about Ryialla.." Meri murmurs, regarding the toes of her
boots, scuffing the soles on the surface of the rock. "..they don't seem to
spend much time together any longer. The relationships of this weyr are so
hard to keep track of.." She lets the subject drop then, sending a quick
smile in Kassi's direction for her acceptance of the mood she's in.
"Perhaps your right about marriage. Mayhap I would've been better at
marriage then I think--" A pause--and then "but maybe not. It seems so
alien a life, that I almost can't imagine it." She's off then--on a
different topic once more "How do the dragons tell? Whether you'd be good
as a rider or not?"

Kassima comments, quietly, "I'd nay want t'be seeing Ryialla and K'nan
breaking up. I'd take most ill to that. Ryi's been a friend of mine for
long and long, and deserves better." No more to be said on the subject;
instead, "You might have been, or might nay have been--hard t'be knowing,
i'truth, when you'll never be in the situation. How do dragons tell? Beats
the living shards out of me. How do they tell their lifemate from all the
other young people in robes standing about? How do they *know* whom 'twere
born for?"

Merielan looks up sharply at Kassi, watching her friends face as if trying
to decipher something. Finally she says quietly, in a toneless voice "I
would never do anything to actively break them apart--I hope you know that
Kassi." And with that she's done, expression changing in an instant, tone
returning to normal. "I don't know how it is they choose for whom they're
born." She begins, eyes straying to Alerith, still playing out in the
waters of the lake. "I'm just glad they do. I meant what I said the other
day--that Alerith saved me...perhaps dragons are part of the reason romance
is so hard at a weyr--how can you love someone as much as you love your
dragon? How can you put a person above someone who shares your mind?"

Kassima shakes her head quickly, as though in disgust, but it doesn't
really seem directed at the brownrider. "A'course you wouldn't, you're nay
like that--forgive me. I just... Ryi isn't the first friend of mine K'nan's
paired with, y'ken, nor the first he's started t'favor some other woman
over. Friends though he and I also are, I've gotten tired of seeing it
happen. I want you t'be happy too. I can't hope it comes at the expense of
Ryi, is all." Back to lighter things. "I don't know if'n you could love
someone as much as you love your dragon, but I don't see either why having
a dragon would be a barrier t'that sort of love. A Holder can't love her
husband in the same way she'd love someone who shared her mind,
either--they don't have that kind of bone-deep understanding, that soul
bond, tangible and definite and something you can touch, if'n nay with
physical fingers. Understanding has t'be built; trust has t'be there,
without the *knowing* that it can't be broken that you get with a dragon;
there's surely naught so easy about it. Yet 'tis still a real love, or can
be. Something worth pursuing. I can't imagine loving anyone as much as I
love Lysseth, speaking personally, but I love m'children dearly, I love
m'family--why shouldn't I be able t'love a man and give him loyalty and
devotion, if'n nay my *ultimate* loyalty and devotion?"

"Your right.." Meri answers promptly and then continuies onwards if not
upwards--more like sideways and perhaps backwards a bit, her mind jumping
here and there--one can almost hear the wheels and gears clunking and
turning in her head. Her eyes look busy--and her words come fast, tumbling
over one another in the effort to get out of her mouth. She doesn't comment
on the whole Ryialla--K'nan debate, seemingly content to know that you
don't consider her what she isn't--and let it go at that. "--there is
something to be said for the kind of love that you have to build, to learn
to trust someone slowly. That's not how it happens with dragons, at least
not with Alerith and me. I may have worried in some part of my mind that
I'd fall off--but it always something that -I- would've done, I never
questioned Alerith, I trusted--trust--him implicitly. And about children as
well--I love my children dearly, but in a different way. I don't think I
love them -less- then I love Alerith, just in a totally different way." She
pauses for a moment then and then repeats that particular word--"Loyalty.
That's perhaps the best word to describe it--or trust. Ultimate
trust--there's never a question is there? We trust our lives to someone
else every time we fly--if that isn't love--trust--loyalty--devotion--what
is?"

"Nor with Lyss and me," Kassima agrees. She's seated tailor-style on a
large boulder, facing Merielan; apparently, she and the brownrider are deep
in some sort of discussion, though Kassi's voice at least isn't pitched so
high as to make the subject obvious unless one is standing reasonably
close. "As much as she and I argue, trust was immediate on both sides and
never falters--I don't even have t'be asking her for her take on it t'know
that 'tis mutual, that thing. Aye, the difference; y'see, what I'm thinking
is that the romantic love of a human is like that, just different, nay
necessarily... well, all right, I would say 'less' in a fashion, but nay
any the less worth having. If'n you can have it. Nay everyone can. But you
speak it true: for dragons, at least, there are all of those things."

Merielan is seated on a boulder of her own, knees drawn up, her head
resting on her knees, arms cradling her legs. "Maybe that's just a
sacrafice that you make...when you've impressed." Meri begins, voice
pitched low, almost more to herself then to Kassi "I don't want to say that
it's impossible for a rider to have romantic love--I don't think that's
true in the slightest--but maybe someone just isn't capable of spreading
around their loyalties that much--what if you had to make an awful choice?
Perhaps between your dragon and the person you loved? Or even if both your
children and your dragon were injured--who would you stay with and comfort?
I don't know what I would do--I don't know if I would be able to make a
choice like that."

"What's a sacrifice, that the love of a person is less? I don't know. I
don't know that we can *love* less. 'Tis only that we can't be undividedly
loyal to a human man or woman, or even to our children, as a Holder or
Crafter might be. But are they undividedly loyal, even without the dragon?
Don't they have their separate families t'care for, and their lands, or
their Craft? Is *anyone* really devoted to their spouse, weyrmate, or love
to the exclusion of all else? Should they be?" Kassima shakes her head
after a moment. "Listen t'me, waxing philosophic. If'n it came down
t'choosing, you'd choose your dragon, a'course. I don't see any way you
couldn't. I could love someone enough t'die for 'em, kill for 'em, do nigh
aught for 'em, but if'n it came down t'them or Lysseth I'd choose Lysseth.
I'd choose Lysseth even over m'children. There just isn't even a question.
It probably makes me a worse mother than someone who doesn't have that
dilemma, but... I don't know that it means I love them less."

"I have to think that it doesn't mean I love them less.." Meri picks up on
your thought, looking vehment, almost as if she were trying to convince
herself as well as you. "..I hope that I never have to make that choice,
but if I -did- have to make it, then I think I would choose Alerith, I
don't see how I could do otherwise." She picks up another pebble, rolling
it about in her palm before throwing it into the water, watching the
ripples for a moment before speaking again "I don't think anyone has
undivided loyalities--how could they? Everyone has different directions
pulling on them throughout life. I just think--well perhaps I'm just being
arrogant about being a dragonrider--despite being -different- we're still
human--we're all human."

Kassima agrees with neither pause nor anything like condemnation, "You
couldn't. At least, I don't see how you could either; I know I couldn't.
I'd still sacrifice *m'self* for m'children, or for someone I truly loved
mayhaps, but I can't sacrifice Lysseth. That seems the main difference
t'me. Still, what I said a'fore holds: I'm really the last person t'be
knowing about things like this, given givens." She gives a firm nod for the
last statement. "We're human. That much is the same. We just have very
different lives. I won't say you're arrogant t'be saying that. I'truth, I
don't believe I could ever pair, if'n I did pair, with a man who didn't
ride--I can't imagine having a true love-bond with someone who didn't
*understand*. And I don't think anyone who doesn't ride can understand."

"I think it's hard to pair even with someone who -is- a rider--maybe
harder.." Meri sighs, looking down at her knees. "Maybe I'm just a bit
cynical. I thought for awhile if there was -any- I'd be able to pair with
it would be T'kar--and that didn't work." She looks up again, picking up
another pebble and throwing it up and down, catching it and throwing it in
a soothing repetive motion. "And yes--I'd sacrifice myself for my children,
or for someone I loved--but never Alerith--the truth is--I could live
without my children--but not without Alerith. I could live without
love--but again not without Alerith. But beyond that--I think we still need
people--lovers and such--a dragon can't be everything."

Kassima observes in a soft voice, "If'n I lost a child, if'n I never have
love, much of the light there should be in life would nay or will nay be
there. Having Lysseth couldn't *make up* for those things, even if'n she's
the greatest love of all; I couldn't live without her. 'Twould nay *want*
to." There's absolutely no doubt in her voice on this. From the place
behind her to which Lysseth has ghosted sometime during this discussion,
the green extends her muzzle to rest gently on her rider's shoulder;
Kassi's hand automatically comes up to cup the beloved green nose, her head
turning just enough to rest her cheek against her lifemate's chin. "But as
priceless as she is t'me, having her doesn't mean I don't need aught more.
I'm guessing that's how you feel with Alerith, too?"

Alerith too seems to have sensed the tones of his rider's thoughts. He
uncoils from his cozy spot on the sand, having moved from the lake some
time ago, and makes his way towards Merielan. Sitting on his
haunches--almost like a feline. His tail snakes it's way around Meri's
wrist, like a living bracelet, the spaded end carefully still resting
agaisnt the boulder. Absently Meri strokes the hide wrapped about her
wrist, "Yes, he's wonderous something I'm grateful for everyday--every
moment, but he's not my entire life. I don't think he should be--I feel
sorry for the weyrlings, they've barely time to -think- for themselves--I
don't miss not having a moment to myself. To live like that -always- to not
know the boundaries of -your- mind and your -dragons- mind, that would very
difficult I would think."

"Lysseth's certes a part of m'entire life. She's always with me; she's part
of me. I'm part of her, too, and I'm in everything she does. But everything
we do doesn't have t'be *about* each other, and mayhaps that's the thing."
Her nod is fractional, probably to keep from displacing Lysseth's chin from
her shoulder. "I remember some of what 'twas like those first few
sevendays, and 'twas much that was wonderful, but methinks I appreciate
m'bond with Lyss more now that sometimes we can just sit in silence and
*be*, nay always do, do, do, learn, learn, learn. Sometimes t'let those
boundaries blur, t'be something like one, for a little while. But nay
t'give up our individual identities for all time--I don't think I could
live that way, nay."

"It's like that during a flight.." Meri muses, fingers tracing unseen
patterns in Alerith's hide, eyes focused on that as her voice goes on,
spiraling this way and that in slow expression. "..you lose
yourself--everything blurs--there's freedom in that--did you ever think
about that Kassi?" She asks, looking upwards to watch your face, but not
quite waiting for her answer yet "How -freeing- it can be? To lose yourself
like that? Not that I'd want to do it -all- the time as you said, but there
is the sense of irresponsiblity, that none of this is happening to -you-,
because 'you' aren't there--your -Alerith-..or Lysseth--" She inclines her
head towards the green and then a new thought occurs "Though perhaps it's
different for you Kassi--because Lysseth is green--d'you think it's
different?"

Kassima's eyes slide half-closed, perhaps in thought or memory; perhaps in
simple enjoyment of her lifemate's nearness. "That sounds something like
what 'tis like," she decides, picking her words carefully. "When she
flies--there's really very little of 'Kassima' left in me, if'n aught at
all. She's her, I'm her--I *am* still 'me,' but the 'me' is subsumed. I
know it seems very free t'fly as she flies a'fore she's caught. T'really be
the one flying, nay just riding on her neck--that part's pure glory, and
so's the unity with her, y'know? Like that, 'tis? But the irresponsibility,
I don't know whether I enjoy that or nay. It might depend on what you mean.
If'n I thought much about it at the time--if'n I *could*--I doubt I'd like
the idea that I have so little say in what happens t'me. Especially given
how intimate the happening is, by definition."

Merielan chuckles gently, shaking her head slowly. "I don't mean--the
sex--" She says bluntly "I mean irresponsible in the sense that becuase you
aren't 'you' really any longer--you--Kassi--are 'subsumed' as you say--that
you don't have to think any longer." She pauses, chewing on her lower lip,
obviously thinking, trying to come up with the proper words for what she
wishes to say. "I mean because you aren't 'there' any longer, that you
don't have to worry about what Kassi worries about--it's freeing, at least
I think so. The moment when you no longer have the worries that you usually
do, even a worry as simple as 'I have to clean up my weyr' or somesuch, you
don't have to -worry- about that any longer. D'you see what I mean?"

Kassima reddens just a fraction at the bluntness. Some things never change.
"Well, that mayhaps. The first queen and all her glorious little green
children know there's precious little of *thinking* in a flight--'tis all
emotion, and that nay much mine. The whole experience is completely primal
on some levels. Pure, uncivilized instinct. There *is* something freeing in
that, getting t'be uncivilized, thoughtless, heedless, for awhile... if'n
that's what you mean, then I see. And methinks 'tis the same for a
greenrider then. Mind you, proddiness isn't. When I'm proddy I'm more
Lysseth than I usually am--sort of; I'm nay so much her as so sensitive
t'her that I resonate with whatever her emotions are, I suppose?--but I can
still think, and methinks in some ways part of what makes proddiness such
an ordeal is knowing what will happen, the whole flight mess and potential
embarrassment and all. 'Tis certes better when you're too caught up in it
t'care or worry."

Merielan nods sagely at this, not quite understanding, as probably she
cannot--ever--since she doesn't have a green. "That must be difficult.."
She answers in a soft voice, hiding a yawn behind her hand. She gently taps
Alerith's tail--still wrapped about her wrist--and the tail uncoils. "..I
don't think I could take knowing I was acting strangely--but not really
being able to do anything about it. The loss of control--at least when
Alerith chases, as you say, I'm not aware of it--not as I would assume you
are when your proddy." With that, Meri slips off the boulder and stretches
like a feline, feeling all her muscles -streetch-. "I'm sorry Kassi, all
this thinking has tired me out, I've got to get some sleep."

Kassima gives a decidedly rueful nod. "The first time or two I don't think
'twas really aware, or understood even if'n 'twas, but after so many
Turns--well, I had t'figure it out *eventually*. I'd nay trade it, though.
Lysseth's entirely worth it." The green gives a soft thrum. Darned right
she is. "And sometimes, just sometimes, the flight turns out well enough
t'make up for all. Shells, don't mention it; at this hour, sleep's the
saner option, hey?" The greenrider offers a sheepish smile. "Sorry for
nattering your ears off with all that. Have a good evening, will you both?
And dream sweet--mayhaps of that bronzerider, if'n 'tis your fancy."

Merielan gives a tired, but fond smile "If you nattered--then I nattered
just as much.." She asserts, waving a tired hand as she slips up onto
Alerith. "I just want to sleep--but I wouldn't say no to a nice dream or
two.."

Merielan disappears upwards in the suddenly brown sky of Alerith's back.

Alerith takes flight, using the thermals rising from the bowl to carry him
aloft.