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Flirting With Disaster


Date:  March 25, 2003
Place:  Telgar Weyr's Hot Springs
Game:  PernMUSH
Copyright Info:  The World of Pern is copyright(c) to Anne McCaffrey 
l967. The Dragonriders of Pern(r) is a registered copyright.

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Kassi's Note:  Everyone's favorite flirtatious Harper stops by Telgar
on a visit to his flirting protege, Faramen, but he runs into Kassi
first and they have an amused discussion about children, virility,
Emasculators... all that good stuff. ;)  And Kassi doesn't even end
up blushing *too* much despite Conn's tendency to flatter.  Will
wonders never cease?

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The Log:

Conn walks in from outside the room.

It's pretty standard, when Kassi's in a room--and particularly when said
room involves water, and a soaking dragon, as this one does--for there to
be singing, and today isn't really an exception to that. "But my dreams,
they aren't as empty as m'conscience seems t'be," the greenrider sings,
slightly off-tempo, from a seated position not far from the largest spring.
The straps she's struggling to poke a needle through might account for
that. "I have hours, only lonely; m'love is vengeance that's never free.
Lysseth, stop that ruddy splashing or you're going t'get water all over
m'work." That last part's not sung, no.

[Editor's Note:  Credit goes to The Who for the lyrics to 'Behind 
Blue Eyes.']

Conn emerges from the cliff wall, loosening his cloak as the warm mist
swirls around him. He squints through the steam, smile curling his lips as
singing reaches his ears. "I have offered to relieve your loneliness
several times," the Harper remarks amusedly as he approaches. "You didn't
seem very receptive. Of course, the vengeance thing doesn't sound so
promising..."

Well, that distracts Kassi from her straps, certainly; she slants a look
back over, eyes and expression alike decidedly amused. "Mine and that of
how many other dozens of women, Harper?" she teases. "Nay that I didn't and
don't appreciate the *thought*, but I don't think I'm cut out t'be a member
of a harem. Honorary member, now, mayhaps, and then you'd nay have t'worry
about vengeance." Pause. "Probably. Should I ask what brings your
scandalous self to these bloody frigid parts?"

"Well, you're certainly right that it wasn't the weather!" Conn chuckles
amusedly. "Actually, I came by here specifically to remind myself what
warmth felt like. Telgar generally, I came to see Faramen, and have a drink
with him: he got himself promoted at our last Craftmeeting"

Kassima observes drolly, "I'd think 'twere a bloody nutter if'n you *did*
come here for the weather; nay t'mention a masochist, and you've never
otherwise struck me as that kind. If'n you're *going* t'freeze your assets
off by coming north then this is the place t'linger, though." She sets her
needle and gut-thread aside, evidently glad enough to abandon strap repair
in favor of conversation. "Did he, now? He's got the life--a potential new
spawn *and* a promotion. What's the new rank? Should we be expecting him
t'get pulled back to the Hall?"

Conn chuckles softly. "_Potential_ spawn? That sounds familiar, except that
I'm guessing Keara wasn't involved this time round. Don't worry about him
getting pulled back if he doesn't want to - he's just made full j'man. He
can take a posting on his own if he wants one, but I think he's fairly
happy hereabouts." The Harper nods towards the pool. "Mind if I soak while
we talk?"

"Nay Keara," Kassi confirms with a quick grin. "Nay that I *know* of. Were
you another of the potentials with her, or shouldn't I ask? This time 'tis
Liah of Igen by report--the gossip-vtols tell me N'ren's the other
prospect, and what Halia must think of that given his age I can only
imagine." She pauses, then makes a wry face. "Imagine all too well, really.
Glad if'n he's happy; he's done well enough here." With a quick shake, she
says, "Go right ahead--Lysseth will behave herself and *stop the bloody
splashing*. *Won't* she." Lysseth just radiates innocence, but does,
grudgingly, furl her wings in closer and settle.

Conn slips out of his clothes with the speed developed in fear of
over-protective male relatives, and slips into the nearest pool. "I was,"
the Harper confesses. "Keara and I briefly pondered 'fasting, but I don't
think either of us could have kept a straight face through the ceremony.
Liah, hmm? I don't think I've met her. Tragically, with the hidework
keeping me behind my desk, I fear Faramen may outstrip my example"

Kassima politely averts her eyes, by now more a reflex than anything; when
she turns back, she's wearing an amused grin. "You and Keara. Handfasting.
I'll be polite and nay laugh outright, but *that* idea should provide
entertainment for quite some time; neither of you ever seemed... well, apt
t'do that sort of thing. Nay offense. And please--I don't believe for a
moment anyone could out-womanize you. Nay Crafter, at least. Rider-men,
now, mayhaps."

Conn's lips quirk amusedly, shifting round in the pool so that he can still
see Kassi. "It's quite an idea, isn't it? I don't think chastity was ever
on the cards... not, perhaps, handfasting as it's conventionally
understood. Ah... I thank you for the vote of confidence - remind me to
sing you the bronzerider song sometime, if you want to know what I think of
rider-men."

"A handfasting more like an open weyrmating?" Kassi hazards, tilting her
head to one side; merriment lightens her dark green eyes. "Without
monogamy? Now *that* I could be seeing. Though probably dozens of
impressionable young Harper Apprentices--t'say naught of all the women
you've made sigh across the continent!--would weep of broken hearts for
your hand being taken all the same." She heaves an exaggerated sigh of
loss. "Alas! I might," said facetiously, "even join 'em. Oh, have you
written bronzerider-mocking songs? I'd love t'hear. Aught that mocks
bronzers is worth giving a listen to; nay that *all* bronzers are
obnoxious, I should admit, but 'tis ruddy fun t'tease the ones who are
anyway."

"Something like that," Conn agrees with a smile. "It might have worked - I
think both of us are happier single, though. Ah, of course I've written
bronzerider mocking songs. I mean, with a target that big anyone who's
passing has got to take a shot, surely? I've no problem making
generalizations. After all," he adds with a wink, "the greenriders I've met
are uniformly beautiful, witty and delightful company"

Kassima tries to suppress a laugh, but doesn't much succeed. "See this?
This is me, trying nay t'make any comment or joke about the, ah, size of
the target there, so t'speak. But I'll be the last t'throw stones at you
for generalizing, after half the ditties I've written mock the whole
esteemed crew of 'em. And glorify greenriders, naturally." Naturally! "Have
you ended up with any other prospective children by now, aside from
Keara's?" she wants to know, before turning a bit red, but nevertheless
grinning at the wink. "Such a marvelous judge of character and aesthetics,
you."

Conn nods without missing a beat. "It's so hard to resist jokes about
bronzerider's egos," he drawls. "No more prospective children: nor even
actual children. Kich is the only one who's... spawned... and I was posted
to an Ista riding at the time. Think the father's L'son. So your daughters
are safe for a least a few more Turns."

"Exactly. And 'tis their own fault for being so impeccably mockable,"
Kassima decides, nodding firmly. "How could they *expect* us t'resist,
given that? Ah, poor man... children are a wealth, y'know." There's a
quick, oddly crooked smile for that. "But aye, methinks you're right about
L'son; 'twas there when she told him, and she seemed sure enough. Mayhaps
another time. You could name a boy Kevionn, I imagine, or a lass
Kionni--has t'start with K, though--and may I say, the thirteen and
seven-Turn-old daughters had sharding well better be safe at least! The
eldest two, alas, have gone beyond m'guardianship there."

Conn smiles. "I note you didn't specify much about _what_ they're a wealth
of. Trouble springs to mind immediately." He shrugs, eyes twinkling a bit.
"I've no particular objection to children, but I don't really want to
settle down either. And I'm mortified at the idea of having a daughter, and
knowing that there are men like me out there."

Kassima can't argue the point: "Trouble, aye, certes, but they're a wealth
of... uh... other things, too. Give me time, I'll figure out just what."
The amusement in her voice is fond, probably at the thought of her own
horde of offspring. "I rather doubt you'd have to, at least if'n you stuck
to Weyr women. And just think! If'n you sired a whole Wing's worth, other
Harpers would probably write songs about the awesome power of your virility
and sing them across Pern! It might make wooing women even easier." Pause.
"Well, or nay. If'n the women stop t'think that, hey, that probably means
*they'd* end up pregnant. You could always beat the living tar out of
anyone who so much as batted an eye at your daughters? I've considered
doing that."

"Tempted though I am to inflict some poor sould with the task of finding a
chorus to rhyme with virility..." Conn laughs. "I think I'll hold off
instead. Even if they make me wealthy in trouble, tears and worry." At her
threats to those who court her daughters, Conn eyes Kassi warily. "I've
heard stories. About tools you nabbed from the Herders. I guess this is
true - if they're slow enough to let me catch up with them, they're clearly
not good enough for my daughter"

"Virility, humility, compatability, senility?" Kassima tries, then makes a
face. "Hard t'put all of *that* into a chorus, certes--oh, now, there are
good things too! Don't forget the entertainment factor when your evil spawn
provide trouble for someone *else*." Trust Kassi to see that as a plus. Her
grin turns a shade wicked for a moment before she protests, putting on a
guileless face, "I didn't nab those tools! Caitria *gave* me one. As a
present. It even has m'name on the handle; you should see it sometime. If'n
you ever end up with daughters of your own, you may just want t'invest in
one too. Even if'n you couldn't bring yourself t'use it on another member
of your gender, just waving it about tends t'make men make the most
delightful squeaking noise."

Conn grins. "Humility? Me? We are meant to be honest reporters - I'm not
sure even I could stretch the truth that far." As Kassi discusses the tool
with glee, only the sternest willpower keep Conn's legs uncrossed. His
voice is slightly strained, but Turns of Harper training prevents
squeaking. "I think many people might say that that would smack of double
standards on my part... say, you don't loan it out, do you? Daryan's
father, some great hulk of a brownrider, always looks at me as if I've
personally ruined his world. Dary won't even look at me twice, so it's
hardly fair"

"Oh, c'mon, don't say you've never pretended modesty if'n you thought it
might get you in good with a lady?" Kassi teases, grinning broadly.
"Because I could just see you doing that, somehow." That reaction is
certainly noted, and if she looked amused *before*, it's not a patch on
now. "They might, but sometimes double standards can be indulged in, for a
good cause... I could see loaning it out, but t'use on *K'dar*? Alas, I
don't think I can be obliging you there. Apart from that he's never done me
any harm, there's Tiya, and mayhaps Lirra, who'd both come after me
t'throttle me alive if'n I so much as thought about helping you geld him."

Conn looks genuinely horrified. "Me use on _him_? No! I was just trying to
make sure that he wasn't going to come after me with it."

"Oh!" Well, color Kassi sheepish. "Oh. Got it. I can be promising nay
t'loan it out t'him for you-gelding purposes, aye. Though I'd be *more*
willing t'promise if'n you had spawn, y'know. Because then I could have a
betting pool on you, and how many children you'd have, and 'twould be
directly against m'better interests t'let you be castrated until I'd won
the bet."

"Thank you," Conn says, starting to breathe again. "Erm. Actually, that's
less than reassuring, Kassi. What if you bet on none? Or one, or whatever
fraction we decide to allot for being a potential father?" Theatrically, he
edges away from Kassi

Kassima's heartless snickers probably don't help much either. "I could
promise t'bet on at least five?" she wheedles. "More, if'n you promised
t'cooperate. But if'n you made me *lose*, well, then I'd likely have
t'castrate you m'self." She flutters her lashes oh-so-sweetly. Nah, she's
not enjoying being evil at *all*.

Conn's eyes twinkle. "You know, there could be serious consequences to
this. Just think of all the attention you'd be depriving future women off
if you castrated me now. Why, with natural talent and a childhood of
coaching, I daresay that my children could be even more accomplished flirts
than I am myself"

"And I still have daughters," Kassima reasons, trying to look solemn and
just completely, totally failing. "So wouldn't it be in m'better interests
t'prevent this race of flirts from being spawned across Pern? Still, you
*do* have a point in one respect. 'Twould be a ruddy shame if'n a bunch of
deprived women showed up at Telgar t'lynch me for the crime against
humanity they might consider gelding you t'be."

"And surely you wouldn't want to deny your daughters the fun of flirting?"
Conn shakes his head solemnly. "Just imagine - without such gifted flirts
to raise the standards, your daughters might grow up to think that a man is
daring if he manages to look at their shoes instead of his own - forget
about compliments! They'll be happy if he can even find words to speak his
interest"

Kassima rubs at her chin as she gives this due consideration. "Sounds like
m'eldest son would be, if'n he noticed women--or men--'tall," she supposes,
rather dry. "But there is *some* point made there. Occasionally it can be
fun t'be flirted with; I'd just have t'train 'em in the use of that tool
we've been mentioning, should any of your lads get too fresh."

Conn waves a hand. "Well, anyone who won't take no for an answer deserves
what he gets," the Harper replies. "The whole point of the game is to
persuade women, not ignore them"

"I can live with that," Kassima decides. "So long as it stays flirtation
and doesn't cross the line into sleazy lechery, then I've nay problems with
the game, and I must say I do appreciate the permission t'castrate your
hypothetical sons. Nay other father's ever given me their consent for such
a thing a'fore. I can't imagine why."

"Well, I am only a potential father," the Harper replies. "That probably
makes a difference somewhere." He blinks innocently. "Sleazy lechery? Would
I do that? I think I've got at least fifteen turns before I start hitting
lechery territory"

Kassima gives a quick headshake. "Oh, *you* wouldn't; I meant more the
hypothetical sons. And was thinking more of several riders I know. You
could be a lecher if'n you really *wanted*; true lechery's independant of
age, I have found, but really, why bother? At least flirts usually just get
things thrown at them by the *fathers* of the women, nay by the women
themselves, am I right?"

Conn touches his cheek sheepishly. "Well, I've had women throw things at me
once or twice. I don't think that was primarily a result of lechery,
though. No father's caught up with me yet, so no problems there." He tilts
his head, grinning. "Can you honestly say that you've only thrown things at
men who were genuinely offensive? Or, to re-phrase, only men that other
people also thought were offensive?"

"What was it primarily a result of, then?" Trust Kassi to want to know, and
to sound amused as she asks. "Can I honestly say... let me think." A pause
ensues. It's a brief one. Sheepishly, she admits, "Well, nay; I've thrown
plenty of things at men when 'twas proddy, and while *I* found them
genuinely offensive, I doubt other people also thought so. And whether
anyone else was having problems with A'lex when I threw the sandwiches at
him is up for debate. But 'twas drunk; isn't that some excuse?"

Conn says "Arguments," Conn replies. "Once it was someone who ignored me
when I told them I couldn't commit - after all, they were special." His
tone is rueful, but not unamused. Probably some turns ago now. "Other than
that, just normal fights. They happen, now and again""

Kassima gives an exaggerated wince of sympathy--though there *is* real
sympathy in it, for all that there's also humor. "I can understand wanting
commitment in general, but if'n the lady didn't know you well enough t'know
you couldn't, she didn't know you well enough t'be committed in the first
place." At least not in that sense. "Poor Conn. But I suppose with the
normal fights, you at least get the joys of making up later some of the time."

Conn attempts to lighten the mood with a jest. "All is forgiven," he says,
"because it didn't scar. Ah, yes, making up is one of the joys of it all,
but personally I'd rather skip straight to the making up without the
throwing things. Wouldn't you?"

"Ah, aye, a lack of scars is always important. I don't know...." Kassi
tilts her head back for a moment, considering the point. "'Twould depend on
just what was being thrown and in what spirit--and what color Lysseth
was--but by and large, methinks 'twill agree with you. Besides, getting
battered and beaten by flying objects could interfere with the make up
process, really."

Conn nods agreement, then muses, "Although ice-packs have some
possibilities." He grins at Kassi. "Ah, proddiness. I think it's probably a
mercy on the world that dragons never found me interesting. A proddy dragon
could make things very entertaining"

Kassima blinks. Peers. Decides, "I don't think I want t'know. That's
m'story and I'm sticking to it. Oh, Faranth, you proddy--" She certainly
seems entertained by the notion; laughing almost soundlessly, she agrees,
"I'd pay money t'see that; 'twould be interesting t'see if'n you'd end up
one of those who's violent, or one of those who wanders around wearing only
a sweater."

Conn blinks. "A sweater? Surely there are more interesting things to wander
around in than that. But violent? That doesn't sound like much fun either.
I think of the two, the sweater would be preferable"

"I'm inclined to agree, but Emlyn went around in just a sweater. Methinks I
fear what you'd decide t'wander in," Kassima decides, "since 'interesting'
might well be the word. Oh, now, violent has its points. I got t'throw fish
intestines at a bronze dragon once. He was decidedly peeved."

Conn laughs. "I have a few things Keara bought that might certainly qualify
as interesting, yes." The Harper looks faintly green. "Well, I don't think
that I'd be particularly impressed at being bombarded with bowels either. I
can't blame him, even if he is a bronze." He slips back out of the pool,
reaching for a towel

Kassima murmurs something about teacups, but, to her credit, doesn't give
the poor Harper any speculative looks. Well, okay, maybe just one. "They
didn't *hit* him," she protests, trying to sound wounded and managing only
amused instead. "He was mostly across the Lake. Finished your soaking?"

Conn nods. "Indeed - and Faramen should have finished his afternoon
classes, so I'm afraid I should be leaving you to your straps"

With a bereaved, hearbroken, and altogether unconvincing sort of sigh,
Kassi says, "Then 'twill have t'let you go, but I'm sure m'days will be a
neverending torment of withdrawal until I see you again. Or something. Give
m'regards to the new Journeyman, would you?"

Conn smiles. "I will do - clear skies, Kassi, it was a delight to speak to
you"

Conn walks off towards the Inner Cavern.