King of Swoon

Kassima: "I really don't understand men. I mean, G'har asked me to tell Julasha he was having an affair with Mart, right? So how come it's my fault if all the LCBs are fluttering their lashes at him now?"

Note: G'har is to blame for this one, both because his immense swoonsomeness inspired it (stop laughing, bronzeboy!), and because his player's the one who introduced me to the music of Moxy Fruvous--and it's their 'King of Spain' that served as the basis for this parody.

King of Swoon

Once I was the King of Swoon!
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
Oh, my unspeakable weyrmate, Mina!
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
I'm telling you, I was the King of Swoon--
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
And then Fal went and chased a green-a. 

One! Two! Three! Four! 

Swoonity, shells it looked good on me,
Buried in all those bronzeriding hormones, quite Emasculator-free--
Or attempting to flee from the scary Telgari,
Telling Tamina that it's not my fault, dragons plot their conspiracy! 

Once I was the King of Swoon,
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
A blue-ceilinged place, that was my weyr.
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
I'm telling you, I was the King of Swoon--
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
And now I mostly just cower in fear.
(Once he was the King of Swoon.) 

I can't face them without a hiding place; my people say,
"G'har, how are you just so swoonable?
There's an LCG cult!
You make them all faint!" 

It's just not fair; I didn't *ask* for great hair,
Or for Fal to be such a charmer--
It's all nearly as evil as R'ehn's chair! 

Once I was the King of Swoon,
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
Hey, Kassi! Hey, M'rgan! No rumors! You promised!
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
I'm telling you, I was the King of Swoon--
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
And now I get swooned at by kids named Thomas.
(Once he was the King of Swoon.) 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you the mad lunatic orchestra!

Now some of you might be wondering how I came to be living in fear, after being 
swoonable so long. Should I tell them, guys?

(Tell us, King!)

You see, late one night when all Ista was asleep,
Out of my blue-hued chambers, and into the LC I creep.
And I wait till the appointed time, when the moons are lighting the pitch,
At which point my swoonsome friend, who looks just like me,
Arrives, and we make a switch! 

(Gasp!)

Prince and pauper, junior and whopper,
World made up of bronze and of copper!
Under my own volition, I took a change of position.
So next time you drool over me, do mind
That bronzeriders *aren't* all that luscious--
(This one, for one, never shushes!) 

Once I was the King of Swoon,
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
I was looking for offhanded places to go hide.
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
I'm telling you, I was the King of Swoon--
(Now I make LCGs cry.)
And now I'm a green-fearer, bona fide!
(Once he was the King of Swoon!)

			    ---Written by Kassima

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